3.5 stars.
I was going to give this 4 or 5 stars right up until the end. The exploration of complex and nuanced family relationships is something I always enjoy reading about and that was done quite well in this novel. I appreciated how Hammonds' portrayed the cycle of trauma and abuse. They showed the sympathetic side to all three generations of the main character, Avery's family without excusing how Avery's grandmother abused her daughter or now her mother denied Avery a connection to her family and their history. Each character's hurt and anger is allowed to breathe and to coexist with love and longing and grief. Their relationships all feel complex and real in a way that often difficult to capture. I also like how Avery's exploration of her family history and her desire to understand her mother and her grandmother more is tied into her increasing feelings that she doesn't really know who she is or what she really wants out of life beyond what is expected of her. I could really feel and emphasize with the fear, frustration, and sense of being lost that built slowly as Avery began to realize that the way she'd been living her life was mostly to satisfy others or was something she did without thinking because it was expected of her. She spent so much time following that path and now that she knows it's not what she wants, she's struggling to figure out what is.
There were a few aspects that I thought could have been done better. I was uncomfortable with how casual and dismissive Avery was towards Simone's fear of being outed to her homophobic mother in what seems to be a conservative town. I could accept this as just part of her character - not really understanding the real danger this could have for Simone - but it felt like the narrative supported this attitude or at least didn't contradict it. I didn't feel like Simone's feelings and Avery's dismissiveness were fully addressed and by the end Avery's 'everything will be fine, don't worry' attitude was proven correct. Simone's mother did come around and Avery's and Simone's relationship picked right back up easily.
I was kind of irritated by how useless and uninvolved Avery's dad was for a lot of the book. I get that the focus wasn't on him, but if your family's have screaming matches and breaking down crying, shouldn't you be doing something? He got better towards the end, but it was still annoying.
Those were pretty minor problems for me though, what really took this down to only 3 stars was the ending. **Spoilers ahead** Avery finds out her grandmother most likely murdered one of her best friend's, Jade's, parents in the last 20 pages and that's that, end of the book. She has no feelings or thoughts on that, we don't see it affect their friendship, she doesn't even think about breaching that subject with Jade. It's made extra off putting by the fact that Avery finding out that Jade's grandfather and great-grandfather murdered her grandfather was rightfully treated as a big deal that really messed with her. She had a big fight with Jade and had to work through a lot of anger and complex feelings before she could get to thinking about whether they could still be friends after finding out something like that. Then she discovers this and has no empathy towards Jade, doesn't want to help her find closure or decide for herself how she feels about hanging around the family of the woman who killed her mother. Avery can have that, but she'll deny it to Jade. It wasn't even a satisfying conclusion to the 'mystery' of Jade's mother's death, because that never felt like a major part of the story, just a part of Jade's backstory. It felt like a weird and unnecessary note to end an otherwise good book on.
I was going to give this 4 or 5 stars right up until the end. The exploration of complex and nuanced family relationships is something I always enjoy reading about and that was done quite well in this novel. I appreciated how Hammonds' portrayed the cycle of trauma and abuse. They showed the sympathetic side to all three generations of the main character, Avery's family without excusing how Avery's grandmother abused her daughter or now her mother denied Avery a connection to her family and their history. Each character's hurt and anger is allowed to breathe and to coexist with love and longing and grief. Their relationships all feel complex and real in a way that often difficult to capture. I also like how Avery's exploration of her family history and her desire to understand her mother and her grandmother more is tied into her increasing feelings that she doesn't really know who she is or what she really wants out of life beyond what is expected of her. I could really feel and emphasize with the fear, frustration, and sense of being lost that built slowly as Avery began to realize that the way she'd been living her life was mostly to satisfy others or was something she did without thinking because it was expected of her. She spent so much time following that path and now that she knows it's not what she wants, she's struggling to figure out what is.
There were a few aspects that I thought could have been done better. I was uncomfortable with how casual and dismissive Avery was towards Simone's fear of being outed to her homophobic mother in what seems to be a conservative town. I could accept this as just part of her character - not really understanding the real danger this could have for Simone - but it felt like the narrative supported this attitude or at least didn't contradict it. I didn't feel like Simone's feelings and Avery's dismissiveness were fully addressed and by the end Avery's 'everything will be fine, don't worry' attitude was proven correct. Simone's mother did come around and Avery's and Simone's relationship picked right back up easily.
I was kind of irritated by how useless and uninvolved Avery's dad was for a lot of the book. I get that the focus wasn't on him, but if your family's have screaming matches and breaking down crying, shouldn't you be doing something? He got better towards the end, but it was still annoying.
Those were pretty minor problems for me though, what really took this down to only 3 stars was the ending. **Spoilers ahead** Avery finds out her grandmother most likely murdered one of her best friend's, Jade's, parents in the last 20 pages and that's that, end of the book. She has no feelings or thoughts on that, we don't see it affect their friendship, she doesn't even think about breaching that subject with Jade. It's made extra off putting by the fact that Avery finding out that Jade's grandfather and great-grandfather murdered her grandfather was rightfully treated as a big deal that really messed with her. She had a big fight with Jade and had to work through a lot of anger and complex feelings before she could get to thinking about whether they could still be friends after finding out something like that. Then she discovers this and has no empathy towards Jade, doesn't want to help her find closure or decide for herself how she feels about hanging around the family of the woman who killed her mother. Avery can have that, but she'll deny it to Jade. It wasn't even a satisfying conclusion to the 'mystery' of Jade's mother's death, because that never felt like a major part of the story, just a part of Jade's backstory. It felt like a weird and unnecessary note to end an otherwise good book on.