This sounds like a great start!

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This starts out in a way that draws the reader in. A lot of school-age mystery thrillers start out this way but I'm very excited to see how this one sets itself apart. Right off the bat there are a lot of characters, but each one has their own details that set them apart. I like when stories have lots of options like this because the reader can always find one to identify with. I can't wait to read more!