The first paragraph is a mess. There is too much dialogue in it, causing it to be confusing. Who is talking? Which daughter is which again?
I understand why the author wrote it this way. Getting ready for school in the morning is always a mad dash. I feel that the author could have structured the opening better to suit a new reader. I love being thrown into a scene but I do also like a bit of structure for me to hold on to so I can truly appreciate what is going on.
I understand why the author wrote it this way. Getting ready for school in the morning is always a mad dash. I feel that the author could have structured the opening better to suit a new reader. I love being thrown into a scene but I do also like a bit of structure for me to hold on to so I can truly appreciate what is going on.