Who is the author trying to convince - the readers or themselves?

The cover doesn't stand out much in either direction, not very memorable but also not problematic by any means. I can see the point the preface was trying to make, but frankly it mostly came off like the author was convincing himself of the validity of his choices, or that his alternate desired lifestyle "wouldn't have worked anyway". This excerpt didn't convey that the author had actually found real happiness and fulfillment, rather it seems like he just shifted from chasing one thing to chasing another, and is hoping that his choices will feel more satisfying as a result of working backwards to write out a list of steps to get there. The introduction has that same "trying to convince myself" vibe that the preface did, and elicits a sad-cringe feeling. I hope that this is just a poorly composed and edited introduction and first chapter, and that the rest of the book has a major tone shift.