The main character, Birdy/Sparrow, needs a little bit of editing. When she talks about her friend in the first few pages, she states that her friend's eyes get "like freaky little balls of ice" which is supposed to give the impression that her friend does like the action(s) that the main character is taking. First, "freaky" is already a bit implied by the "little balls of ice" part.
There is another part that just felt disjointed as the main character falls and scrapes her knee. Tristan, the more popular, male character is 'too good for her' and she expresses this by saying "Me: Amoeba. Him: Tristan King" which does not come off as someone her age nor as something very readable.
The story sounds like it might turn into a cute rom-com and I am all for that, but in the beginning, nothing really happens, enough so that one can become a bit attached to the people presented.
There is another part that just felt disjointed as the main character falls and scrapes her knee. Tristan, the more popular, male character is 'too good for her' and she expresses this by saying "Me: Amoeba. Him: Tristan King" which does not come off as someone her age nor as something very readable.
The story sounds like it might turn into a cute rom-com and I am all for that, but in the beginning, nothing really happens, enough so that one can become a bit attached to the people presented.