I think this story has a lot of potential, but I don’t love it. The writing style doesn’t flow easily, it feels stilted and formal. I also think it should be written from a first-person point of view; I think that would cut down on the formality a bit. Rather than saying “Erika thought to herself, ‘this is beautiful,’” you can just say “this is beautiful.”
So far, the characters don’t seem to mesh for me. I know Erika will have a choice to make, but it doesn’t seem like she and her fiancé are a great match. The author even describes their life as cold. Additionally, for as much as the author made a point to say that Erika is this super-sophisticated, fashionable woman of the world, Erika herself seems ignorant. Who doesn’t know what Italy is like? Even if you’ve never been there, you know that Tuscany is beautiful and that the wine is renowned. I was also immediately put off by the way the author described Erika as being overdressed in Italy in her heels and designer clothes, with everyone else in jeans and tee shirts. Italy is exactly the opposite of that.
So far, the characters don’t seem to mesh for me. I know Erika will have a choice to make, but it doesn’t seem like she and her fiancé are a great match. The author even describes their life as cold. Additionally, for as much as the author made a point to say that Erika is this super-sophisticated, fashionable woman of the world, Erika herself seems ignorant. Who doesn’t know what Italy is like? Even if you’ve never been there, you know that Tuscany is beautiful and that the wine is renowned. I was also immediately put off by the way the author described Erika as being overdressed in Italy in her heels and designer clothes, with everyone else in jeans and tee shirts. Italy is exactly the opposite of that.