Intriguing, but a bit messy

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rachelisce Avatar

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I love a good crime story, and I'm intrigued by Jake's imaginary friend (or is she a ghost?), but this feels a bit messy. Four POVs, not all of which seem relevant, and one of which is first-person... It's an inconsistent and overcomplicated situation, in my opinion. Perhaps it's too early to say, but I think having just two (third-person) POVs—one of the detectives (preferably Amanda, since she seems to be the only real human female in the entire excerpt) and Jake, maybe—would have been a better choice.