The first thing I noticed about the writing style is the use of run-on sentences. I had to re-read each long run-on sentence to try to make sense of it, which made for much longer reading. The second thing I noticed was the super relaxed language, almost as if the narrative were being spoken or a collection of thoughts rather than written. This relaxed tone continues in the first chapter, despite a change from third-person past tense to third-person present tense. It really doesn't suit my taste, overall.