Interesting premise, awkward writing

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The story, in and of itself, came across as interesting. I felt for the characters by the end of the section and I would have been interested to see how the story progresses and where things go.

However, I was a little thrown off by the writing, especially when it came to quotes/communication between the characters. It felt stilted and awkward and a little juvenile. It detracted from the story for me and killed my interest in going further.