I definitely find the concept intriguing. The idea of kids getting their fortunes told and living their lives based on that is not something I have seen before. However, this excerpt is still rough. The sentence tense changes every few paragraphs, (she was, she is, etc), and I wish there was more of the lyrical prose from the first paragraph sprinkled through the rest of it. I'm not someone who likes a lot of description for the sake of description, but I felt its absence here. There is nothing wrong with being dialogue-driven, but I feel there needs to be more world-building done in order give the story the richness it so obviously deserves. By that same token, I would also have liked to see a little more indication of the time period than what is presented. The small throwaway references given stop just short of immersing you in the year she is writing about. 1969 was a turning point for the world at large and I personally would love to see more of how these children reflect that, even if the story is going to jump forward in time. The changes that the year in question brought would be a great allegory to the changes in the kids that are set in motion at the end of the chapter.
I do feel that the overall narrative will be a sweeping and, dare I say, epic one. The author is setting herself up for some rich and relatable characters that readers can easily become personally attached to if they are written in the right way. I definitely am intrigued to see how their paths diverge going forward, and I look forward to the revelation of what they each were told and how it affected their future choices.
I do feel that the overall narrative will be a sweeping and, dare I say, epic one. The author is setting herself up for some rich and relatable characters that readers can easily become personally attached to if they are written in the right way. I definitely am intrigued to see how their paths diverge going forward, and I look forward to the revelation of what they each were told and how it affected their future choices.