Wonderful Start

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mills2011 Avatar

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I would definitely change the character names a little to make them more believable. Add more description to the scenery so we can be there in the book with you as you write it. For example, when talking about the beach there wasn't much description about what was around. That made it feel like the flow of the book was rushed. A few sentences are a bit run on. I would like to see more character descriptions so we can grasp a good background on each of them. It would make the plot easier to identify. There are also a few spelling errors. I hope I am giving you good feedback. I don't mean to nitpick just want to help you with your editing. I would love a final copy to review for you. I am very invested.