While I'm a huge fan of fantasy, including urban fantasy, this excerpt was pretty disappointing. The writing is very clunky and stilted, with the majority of the sentences being really short and all having the same rhythm. In addition, the characters' voices are completely unconvincing, especially Elias. Both his internal monologue and his actual dialogue are way too formal and just seem completely unrealistic for how any real human would speak--which is true for other characters' dialogue as well. Why does Salzar refer to himself in the third person so much??? The way all the characters interact is just so strange, especially Ophelia and her mom--it feels like a caricature of mom/daughter dialogue you would see in like, a disney movie. The dialogue is just really awkward, in short.
Not to mention that the little bits of backstory we get for the characters feels a little bit forced and, in my opinion, comes too early in the story where it might be more impactful if we slowly uncover it. In general, it feels like a bit too much information is just handed to us, especially in a book that seems focused on intrigue and mystery.
Also this is just a personal pet peeve but I found it pretty silly that the author felt we had to know in the SECOND PARAGRAPH that Elias is just incredibly irresistible to every single woman he meets, because of course he is.
I did think there was some good intrigue and mystery established in these first chapters, with a clear ongoing conflict that the reader can slowly learn more about and stuff, and I know this is a series, so it's totally likely that the author's writing abilities developed more across the books. I just personally found it pretty amateur, both in syntax, dialogue, and like, structure.
Not to mention that the little bits of backstory we get for the characters feels a little bit forced and, in my opinion, comes too early in the story where it might be more impactful if we slowly uncover it. In general, it feels like a bit too much information is just handed to us, especially in a book that seems focused on intrigue and mystery.
Also this is just a personal pet peeve but I found it pretty silly that the author felt we had to know in the SECOND PARAGRAPH that Elias is just incredibly irresistible to every single woman he meets, because of course he is.
I did think there was some good intrigue and mystery established in these first chapters, with a clear ongoing conflict that the reader can slowly learn more about and stuff, and I know this is a series, so it's totally likely that the author's writing abilities developed more across the books. I just personally found it pretty amateur, both in syntax, dialogue, and like, structure.