I've really struggled between whether to rate this one or not. It's hard because of the difficult subject matter addressed, and how it pertains to a group I am not a part of.
I've settled to rate it based on how much I personally liked it (as I usually do; 2.5 stars rounded up), but if you're reading this please keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and that this book was not written for me. It is not an objective rating of the quality of the story (that's just not how I rate books).
I really wanted to love it because I absolutely adore the AEITA (An Ember in the Ashes) series, and I like hard hitting contemporaries, but this one just didn't work for me. As always, Sabaa Tahir's writing is beautiful and there are some really stunning quotes. Misbah is an incredibly written character, and the mother/ child relationship is such a strong theme. There was also some really interesting and complex family dynamics at play, both for Sal and Noor. I'm also generally happy with how things ended: (SPOILER: I'm ecstatic about what happened to Jamie in the end (she 100% deserved it), and that there was some repercussions for Chachu (even though it was not nearly enough). I wish Noor would've spoken out against him to the police or in court. It would've been so easy and helped exonerate Sal when everyone thought he was the one who hit her. But even though she had the opportunity with the police, and the judge in court, she didn't take it. Part of me understands because Chachu saved her life so many years ago, but with how angry she is, I am both surprised and disappointed she didn't. Even though it could've helped put him behind bars if they knew he was a serial abuser and didn't just hit Brooke once, but also Noor for years (he could've been prosecuted for both spousal and child abuse). Noor's silence is partially to blame in Brooke's abuse, as Brooke's silence was when Noor was abused. I also do think it's realistic that Sal would go to jail even though it's not fully fair because it was his first offence, he's possibly a minor, and all of the extenuating circumstances. It's unfortunately realistic that the criminal justice system is not forgiving when it comes to people of color.)
I feel terrible saying it, but I did not like Noor. (SPOILER: What happened to her was absolutely horrific and she should've never had to endure that abuse but her lashing out in anger to the wrong people wasn't really addressed. Like cutting off Misbah and not speaking to her anymore because Sal rejected her romantic advances. This is someone who was the closest thing she had to a mother figure, and who thought of her as her own blood daughter. And Noor knew she was also sick. But she still ignored Misbah's messages because her childhood best friend told her he doesn't reciprocate her romantic feelings. How is that fair? Especially considering she confessed her feelings to him after kissing him spontaneously, even though she knows he's touch averse.) I felt like Sal was more of a stepping stone for her story, even though the snippets we got from his past were also
(SPOILER: devastating and emotional). Where was her empathy then? Sal is no saint (nor am I), and he fucks up, but I cannot believe she told him (SPOILER: that his recently deceased mother knew he was a shitty person, and that his mother deserved a better son. She said he wasn't there for his mother when she died to hold her hand. But it's not like he was out partying! He was taking his drunk father home because someone had to and NOOR was the one who told him to do it and reassured him that she would stay with his mom in the hospital until he got back. And she even brought up how he can't do laundry and shoved it in his face that he's going to get unwanted touches in prison, even though she knows they cause him physical pain and discomfort from anybody. She doesn't know (nor seemingly ever finds out) the reason why he can't tolerate those two things is because he was abused by a motel patron in the laundry room as a child (seemingly sexually abused). But she does know that there must be a reason he's like this and he's confessed to her that he feels broken by his inability to touch freely. Which makes what she says still messed up, but it's even worse as the audience because we know why he's like that. And saying "you left your mother as she was dying and she knew you were a shitty person" is an unbelievably fucked up thing to say. No matter how angry you get, there are certain boundaries you don't cross. And invoking dead parents to say they would be ashamed of their children is one for me. After all that, the most we get is a single "Forgive me, I'm sorry" more than a year later. That's it. That's all we get. And that's post him risking everything to make sure she doesn't do time (which to be fair, he got her into that situation) and post him fixing everything (including finding her acceptance letter, which wasn't even his fault so she's better off than she was before he fucked up). And Sal immediately forgives her. He never even seemed upset with her. Just lovesick the entire time, waiting for her to throw him a bone while he's in prison for a year and a half with no call or letter from her, and she's in college living life, making friends, and going on dates with other guys. Like what the fuck? He may forgive her but I don't. The least she could've done is visit or call or write him. She didn't need to put her life on hold but give him some fucking human compassion for everything he's been through. It's not like he purposely got her caught or started selling drugs for funsies.)
In general I'm also not a fan of childhood friends to lovers because often times they rely on us to care about this relationship that was formed off page (before the book starts). And that was the case here. Beyond being the only peer she can communicate with because of shared language, why did Noor like Sal? We don't know. We don't know when either of their feelings turned from platonic to romantic. Or how it became such a strong and deep bond as it is depicted. I feel like there was more development and support for the relationship between Misbah and Noor than there was for Noor and Sal.
All that said, if you think you may be interested, please don't let this review stop you from picking it up. It is an important read. I just had some feelings that I needed to get out, and I needed to be honest about how I felt.
I've settled to rate it based on how much I personally liked it (as I usually do; 2.5 stars rounded up), but if you're reading this please keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and that this book was not written for me. It is not an objective rating of the quality of the story (that's just not how I rate books).
I really wanted to love it because I absolutely adore the AEITA (An Ember in the Ashes) series, and I like hard hitting contemporaries, but this one just didn't work for me. As always, Sabaa Tahir's writing is beautiful and there are some really stunning quotes. Misbah is an incredibly written character, and the mother/ child relationship is such a strong theme. There was also some really interesting and complex family dynamics at play, both for Sal and Noor. I'm also generally happy with how things ended: (SPOILER: I'm ecstatic about what happened to Jamie in the end (she 100% deserved it), and that there was some repercussions for Chachu (even though it was not nearly enough). I wish Noor would've spoken out against him to the police or in court. It would've been so easy and helped exonerate Sal when everyone thought he was the one who hit her. But even though she had the opportunity with the police, and the judge in court, she didn't take it. Part of me understands because Chachu saved her life so many years ago, but with how angry she is, I am both surprised and disappointed she didn't. Even though it could've helped put him behind bars if they knew he was a serial abuser and didn't just hit Brooke once, but also Noor for years (he could've been prosecuted for both spousal and child abuse). Noor's silence is partially to blame in Brooke's abuse, as Brooke's silence was when Noor was abused. I also do think it's realistic that Sal would go to jail even though it's not fully fair because it was his first offence, he's possibly a minor, and all of the extenuating circumstances. It's unfortunately realistic that the criminal justice system is not forgiving when it comes to people of color.)
I feel terrible saying it, but I did not like Noor. (SPOILER: What happened to her was absolutely horrific and she should've never had to endure that abuse but her lashing out in anger to the wrong people wasn't really addressed. Like cutting off Misbah and not speaking to her anymore because Sal rejected her romantic advances. This is someone who was the closest thing she had to a mother figure, and who thought of her as her own blood daughter. And Noor knew she was also sick. But she still ignored Misbah's messages because her childhood best friend told her he doesn't reciprocate her romantic feelings. How is that fair? Especially considering she confessed her feelings to him after kissing him spontaneously, even though she knows he's touch averse.) I felt like Sal was more of a stepping stone for her story, even though the snippets we got from his past were also
(SPOILER: devastating and emotional). Where was her empathy then? Sal is no saint (nor am I), and he fucks up, but I cannot believe she told him (SPOILER: that his recently deceased mother knew he was a shitty person, and that his mother deserved a better son. She said he wasn't there for his mother when she died to hold her hand. But it's not like he was out partying! He was taking his drunk father home because someone had to and NOOR was the one who told him to do it and reassured him that she would stay with his mom in the hospital until he got back. And she even brought up how he can't do laundry and shoved it in his face that he's going to get unwanted touches in prison, even though she knows they cause him physical pain and discomfort from anybody. She doesn't know (nor seemingly ever finds out) the reason why he can't tolerate those two things is because he was abused by a motel patron in the laundry room as a child (seemingly sexually abused). But she does know that there must be a reason he's like this and he's confessed to her that he feels broken by his inability to touch freely. Which makes what she says still messed up, but it's even worse as the audience because we know why he's like that. And saying "you left your mother as she was dying and she knew you were a shitty person" is an unbelievably fucked up thing to say. No matter how angry you get, there are certain boundaries you don't cross. And invoking dead parents to say they would be ashamed of their children is one for me. After all that, the most we get is a single "Forgive me, I'm sorry" more than a year later. That's it. That's all we get. And that's post him risking everything to make sure she doesn't do time (which to be fair, he got her into that situation) and post him fixing everything (including finding her acceptance letter, which wasn't even his fault so she's better off than she was before he fucked up). And Sal immediately forgives her. He never even seemed upset with her. Just lovesick the entire time, waiting for her to throw him a bone while he's in prison for a year and a half with no call or letter from her, and she's in college living life, making friends, and going on dates with other guys. Like what the fuck? He may forgive her but I don't. The least she could've done is visit or call or write him. She didn't need to put her life on hold but give him some fucking human compassion for everything he's been through. It's not like he purposely got her caught or started selling drugs for funsies.)
In general I'm also not a fan of childhood friends to lovers because often times they rely on us to care about this relationship that was formed off page (before the book starts). And that was the case here. Beyond being the only peer she can communicate with because of shared language, why did Noor like Sal? We don't know. We don't know when either of their feelings turned from platonic to romantic. Or how it became such a strong and deep bond as it is depicted. I feel like there was more development and support for the relationship between Misbah and Noor than there was for Noor and Sal.
All that said, if you think you may be interested, please don't let this review stop you from picking it up. It is an important read. I just had some feelings that I needed to get out, and I needed to be honest about how I felt.